I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
