It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
