he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
