Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
