Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
