dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Your penis caused this!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
