I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
