we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
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time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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