Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
