The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
