Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
