duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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