Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
