so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
