Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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