K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
