Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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