The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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