At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
