I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
