Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
