whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
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and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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