I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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