he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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