i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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