Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
