i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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