After last night, I could never be a politician.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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