i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
