And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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