Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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