I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
