i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
