he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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