how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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