The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
