Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
