He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
