I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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