hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Randomize
