Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
