I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
