My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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