omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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