I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
