I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
