If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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