There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
