He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
