Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
