Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
