My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
