so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
