when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
