I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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