whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
That accounts for only three of the penises
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
