She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
