YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
