who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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