checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
