please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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