I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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