This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
