i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
