Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
