When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
