I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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