my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize