I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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