saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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