I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
