I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
