Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
