this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
