when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My feet surprised me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize